I don't care too much for my profession,but at least I can lookdown at politicians!
--Spencer Tracy

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
--Andy Rooney On Fabric Softener

My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.' Who would that be -- Jesus Cripe's? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
--Andy Rooney On Cripes

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
--Johnny Carson

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law.
--Jerry Seinfeld

Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.
--Oscar Wilde

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
--Mae West

Suppose you were an idiot . . .And suppose you were a member of Congress . . . But I repeat myself.
--Mark Twain

Music is spiritual. The music business is not.
-- Van Morrison

I was born on a storm swept-rock and hate the soft growth of sun-baked lands where there is no frost in men's bones.
Swift thought and the flight of ravenous birds, and the squeal of hunted animals are to me, reality.
-- Liam O'Flaherty, referring to himself in Joseph Conrad: An Appreciation (1925)

When I die I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Ireland.
-- J. P. Dunleavy, The Ginger Man (1955)

I can resist everything except temptation.
-- Oscar 'Fingal O'Flahertie Wills' Wilde, Lady Wildemere's Fan (1892)

If the Irish language were to be lost, Ireland would perish
-- Patrick Pearse, leader of the Easter Rising (1916)

We have been waiting seven hundred years; you can have the seven minutes.
-- Michael Collin's, on being told that he was seven minutes late arriving at dublin castle
to accept its handover by British Forces, 16 Jan 1922.

If I make a good movie, they I'm a British director; and if I make what they think is a bad one, I'm Irish.
-- Neil Jordan, movie director/writer (1993)

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.
-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1961)

...to practice democracy at home, in all states, with all races, to respect each other and to protect
the constitutional right of all citizens.
-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy, in a special message to congress (1961)

All great truths begin as blasphemies.
-- George Bernard Shaw, Annajanska, The Bolshevik Empress (1919)